"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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