When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
