so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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