So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
