And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
