It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
