You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
