Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
