Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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