Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize