I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
