$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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