So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
