Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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