Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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