so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize