My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
