So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
