somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
