i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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