I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize