Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
