I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
