The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
