I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
