I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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