biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
