I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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