i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
