he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
