You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
