Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
