After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
