I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
