I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize