how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
