just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
