So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
