I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
