The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
