YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
