it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
