i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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