The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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