I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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