If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
