i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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