Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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