I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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