He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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