He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
