i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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