that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
