It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
