I swear she didn't look like that last week.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
