So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
