It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
