hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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