Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
