What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
