I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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