He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
