I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
someone owes me an orgasm
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
