i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Randomize
