Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
