Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
