I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
