You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
