I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Randomize