I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
