Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
