Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
