Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
