Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm always down for nudity.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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