I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
