just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
