I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Randomize
