Porn is love you can see.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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