she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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