Everything about him screamed your future.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
