i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
