need another drink. this is the easiest way
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
