Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
