porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
