Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I intend to get homeless drunk
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
